I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
