I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
