I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
