where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
