Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As shirtless as possible
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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