I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
