I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
