its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you will always have a special place in my vag
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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