It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
