he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
