Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
