we have pet lesbian snakes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
