there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
