i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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