I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think a kid would responsible me up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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