one might say we're banned from that church
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
