I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
