I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
