The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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