Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
