The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
