girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
