youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Edward fifth and chaser hands
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
