one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
