dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
