I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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