I have demons in me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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