I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
