I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
