how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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