either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
