she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
