would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
