his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
