I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
