I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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