Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
