I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Enjoy the penises
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
