yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
