It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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