anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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