so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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