I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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