I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
