Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
