So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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