this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
