this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
