I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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