i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
